31 days...I can do anything for 31 days right? Well that's the plan. For the entire month of January my plan is to work out every day, for at least 30 min a day. My sisters are joining me on this journey...definitely helps keep up my motivation.
Day 1- I completed 1 hour of cardio
Day 2- I completed 40 min. of cardio
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A Family Photo I will always cherish
As much as I love candid photos I also love photos of everyone sitting still, looking at the camera at the same time in the same direction, with big smiling faces. Everyone freshly bathed or showered and clean clothes on. So on the morning of December 10 we had our amazing photographer CeCee come to our house. She snapped picture after picture.
And to our amazement and delight this is what we got...
New Years Resolutions
I do not like the idea of New Years resolutions. Maybe just in the sense of "now that the year is ending lets pick something to change!" Why do you need an old year ending and a new year beginning to think about what you want to change, do better, stop doing, do more of, do less of...or just do. If you want to change something just change no matter what the day, week, month or year. Don't wait until the year changes. Yup that’s me being preachy…I tend to be preachy…even though I’m not a preacher. (as in…that’s not my profession. My current profession is being a stay at home mom. Never thought I would work this hard for free. Off on a tangent again…that’s me! Well obviously since it's my blog)
But what I do like is when New Years rolls around it gets me to reflect on the past year and think about what I have learned, how I have grown or regressed and to continue to be the best person I can be, continue to recognize my faults, and continue to change what I don’t like to make room in my life for what I do like. I'm always trying to do the right thing....always. It's exhausting! :)
What this year has taught me...and more importantly what I take away and what I have learned. So here goes...top 20 (I'm sure I could write a lot more)
1. I need to take time for myself. After taking care of everyone and everything I am left empty most days. Now before you judge and say but look at all that you have and who you have in your life you should feel full and blessed. While those statements are true I also feel empty because who is taking care of me? no one.
2. I've learned that being a mother to two children is far more crazy, lovely, fun, and chaotic than I could have ever imagined.
3. I now understand why women have kids and then go back to work after 6 weeks. They need a freaking break!
4. One drink (after not drinking for over a year) can leave you with a slight hang over in the morning. Pathetic.
5. I need to be more true to myself. In things I say and do. I am too much of a people pleaser. It's good to a certain extent of course, but when it stops me from being 100% me, it's not so pleasing any more.
6. The truth will always set you free. It truly will.
7. I have far more in common with people than I thought. You aren't ever the only one that thought it, felt it, did it or lived it.
8. Sometimes I feel like two people. The person who I currently am and the person who I am always trying to be. I wish I could just live
9. Sometimes I wish I was more cool. Not as in my temperature. Because I'm pretty sure my blood circulating
10. I like to write. No I LOVE to write. And I don't do it enough.
11. I like to eat...especially food that is not good for me. Sometimes it just tastes so good.
12. I need to relax. I bet if we finished our bathroom I could take advantage of the soaker tub...that would be relaxing.
13. I shouldn't take myself so seriously.
14. I am a good mother and I hope my children agree with me. Even though I don't always feel like I'm doing a good job.
15. It's okay to not always have a plan.
16. Good friends are my medicine. I'm so thankful for all my good friends.
17. My journey to find God and a spiritual world that I feel comfortable in believing in might always be a process but one that I'm now willing to explore.
18. It's okay to be wrong. It's even better to admit when you are.
19. Family is my rock. It's my foundation. It's my everything.
20. There is no getting around it...I need to exercise more than I do. Exercise = a good 1 hour counseling session for my current mental state.
21. I have OCD about how my house looks.
22. My new mantra is the serenity prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." And even though I'm not an alcoholic (mainly where you see this prayer used) it applies to my life in so many ways.
okay so I wrote more than 20.
I'm back and I'm blogging!
Okay just signed in after an entire year of being MIA from this blog. Oops! I now have every intention of keeping up with this blog. It will temporarily fill my hopes of being a well known and respected writer. Which I know is highly unlikely....I don't think I use the english language correctly....spell words correctly...but maybe that is what editors are for??
Happy New Years Eve! Lets party!!! Ha, or lets just stay in and do projects around the house, get the oil changed on our cars, order pizza for dinner, have a countdown with Izzy at 7pm and end the night by watching a movie. Much more my style these days. Let me rephrase...this IS our life style now whether we like it or not :)
So I did have a lot going on in 2011 (see there is my excuse for not writing on here). So here are some defining and stressful but joyful moments of 2011. Lets just keep it to the top 10!
1. I was pregnant and delivered my beautiful son Miles Scotlan Leslie on September 2nd. Scotlan you say? Yes my husbands name is Scott (which he wanted to be the middle name) but I'm not a fan (if there was a fan club) of naming children after their parents especially if we were going to have more. There is a fair factor for me and I just couldn't get over it. If we had another son he couldn't have Scott as a middle name. See how unfair that is? Now that I say it it doesn't seem so unfair but at the time it really was. So I took a form of his name, ditched a "t" and added lan on the end. Sounded good, was unique enough for me but not too weird for him (my hubby) we both agreed so now it's his middle name. Oh I should mention how amazing Miles is. He is so laid back. Where did he get that from? no clue...the rest of us are very high strung. He just goes with the flow...no matter how crazy we all are he just chills. He loves to snuggle and be held. He is always full of happiness. I love to hear his laugh and see him smile. I never thought I could love another child as much as I love Izzy. Miles proved me wrong. My heart grew bigger when he arrived.
2. I gained like 58lbs with him. Okay not "like" 58lbs, I really DID gain 58lbs. I shutter thinking of that. No one stuffed food in my face but myself. I guess I rationalized it by saying "but he (my unborn child) needs all this food". Really I think I only needed an extra few hundred calories a day. Still have 23lbs to lose until I'm at pre-baby weight status. Then about 30 more pounds to lose to be at a normal weight status. Daunting.... But I started weight watchers in November so I'm hoping that helps. Down 8lbs so far. Oh and I'm doing a fitness challenge with my sisters. We are working out every day in January. At least 30 min. of exercise per day. Let the challenge begin tomorrow! I'm actually excited about it. SHOCKER!!
3. We needed more space to live in so the only natural thing to do was to become landlords, right? Oh joy! (insert sarcasm here) We bought a house in Batavia and had to rent our condo in North Aurora because the housing market is terrible. If we sold it we would have had to pay to get out of it. So not our faults though....really the market is terrible. Our hands were tied and renting was our only option. We closed on October 31st and after doing a lot of work on it we moved in November 10th. The projects and changes never seem to stop though...we are still working on it. It's starting to feel like home.
4. I had mastitis in my left breast for the 2nd time in my life. Google it...it's awful! After that experience I gave up on breast feeding. I did it for 5 weeks (same amount of time with Izzy before I got mastitis in my right breast while breast feeding her and then had to have surgery due to it turning into an absess which turned out to be positive for Mersa....awesome! It's really fun being treated like a leper by your family. It was one of the lowest points in my life. Taking care of a 5 week old baby as a first time mom, with my breast cut open and draining, and battling mersa. I shutter thinking of this...but I smile realizing how strong I am) If I ever have more kids...which is not looking to be likely...I will NOT breast feed. And I'm not going to feel bad about it. Although that womanly part of me deep down inside hates that I couldn't make the breast feeding work. Okay how many times can I say breast on here?? It's what my life became at the time. All about my BREAST BREAST BREAST. These moments will only define me as a survivor. At least I hope....I wouldn't want to be known as the weird breast lady. Okay there I go again..BREAST! I said it 12 times. (including the times I said it on purpose)
5. Scott and I turned 30. Hmm....what can I say? Every year we get older but wiser. Yup lets stick to that.
6. Izzy turned 13. Well maybe only emotionally. Physically she turned 3 on December 2nd. (how cool that both kids have their birthdays on the 2nd of the month) She is sassy, creative, stubborn, imaginative, beautiful, funny, emotional, smart, high energy, silly, thoughtful, and lovely in every way. Can you tell I'm a huge fan of the "I love Izzy Club"?? She's fantastic!
7. We remodeled our master bathroom. Well WE didn't remodel it. We hired my brother and other sub contractors to do the dirty work. We just got to design it. Lets describe the process....fun, expensive, dirty, dusty, beautiful, exhausting, frustrating, beautiful...did I mention it turned out beautiful? We love it. We have yet to use it though...we have to clean it from all the construction dust, put blinds on the windows (can't have the neighbors seeing my breasts...that would make it 13 times said), we need new towels (in case you weren't aware, new bathroom = new towels), move in all our bathroom toiletries, buy a new bath mat, put up the ceiling fan, put up towel bars and toilet paper holder. Sounds like a lot of work to me. So we will get to it when we can.
8. We hosted Christmas Day for my family. Now that we have a house we can properly host. My parents have gladly given up Christmas at their house. So hosting Christmas at our house will become our new family tradition every year. It's actually what I have always wanted even though it makes my anxiety high to host, it also makes me so happy. Having my family in my home, making them smile and laugh, filling their bellies with delicious food, having the cousins run around and play together. I love Christmas and I love my family. WIN WIN!
9. My anxiety has come back with a vengeance. This part of my life I try to hide from people. I try to always pretend that I'm okay. It's a dark secret not many talk about including myself. But it is something that defines how I act, how I live and how I make my decisions. It's hard to keep a secret because I think I am wrongfully judged on things I say or do. But it's because of my anxiety. It paralyzes me. It controls me. It's sad, but it's the truth. I've always said I wouldn't let another person ever dictate how I live my life, I wouldn't let anyone ever control me because that is just wrong. Well here I am...doing it to myself. Interesting how that happens. My whole life I have been struggling to control my anxiety. You name it I've probably been anxious about it. I've probably been up all night, sobbing on the floor, not left the house in days kind of worried/scared/anxious. I've been considering going back to counseling. Sometimes it just helps to talk it out....
Well that was a little weight lifted off the shoulders. I forgot how therapeutic it was to write.
10. Okay I'm not always that dark. On to something happy...I celebrated 5 years of marriage to Scott on December 30th. He has to be one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and had the privilege of having a relationship with. He is very charming because despite his faults I fall further in love with him every day. He accepts me, loves me and continues to show me that even though I'm not perfect he will not leave. Oh how I cherish that. He is kind and generous and helpful. He is respectful and funny and smart. He is the most wonderful father to our kids. He is the perfect role model for them in so many ways. Our commitment to each other is stronger than ever. Our love for each other seems stronger now than ever. I love being around him and sharing this life with him. For reasons I will never write about...he is truly my angel if angels exsist. I am 100% sure I am still living today because of him. I will be forever grateful to my Scottie :)
Okay those were not listed in order of best to worst, or worst to best. It was all random...I swear.
Feels great to write again...oh how I have missed you blog.
Happy New Years Eve! Lets party!!! Ha, or lets just stay in and do projects around the house, get the oil changed on our cars, order pizza for dinner, have a countdown with Izzy at 7pm and end the night by watching a movie. Much more my style these days. Let me rephrase...this IS our life style now whether we like it or not :)
So I did have a lot going on in 2011 (see there is my excuse for not writing on here). So here are some defining and stressful but joyful moments of 2011. Lets just keep it to the top 10!
1. I was pregnant and delivered my beautiful son Miles Scotlan Leslie on September 2nd. Scotlan you say? Yes my husbands name is Scott (which he wanted to be the middle name) but I'm not a fan (if there was a fan club) of naming children after their parents especially if we were going to have more. There is a fair factor for me and I just couldn't get over it. If we had another son he couldn't have Scott as a middle name. See how unfair that is? Now that I say it it doesn't seem so unfair but at the time it really was. So I took a form of his name, ditched a "t" and added lan on the end. Sounded good, was unique enough for me but not too weird for him (my hubby) we both agreed so now it's his middle name. Oh I should mention how amazing Miles is. He is so laid back. Where did he get that from? no clue...the rest of us are very high strung. He just goes with the flow...no matter how crazy we all are he just chills. He loves to snuggle and be held. He is always full of happiness. I love to hear his laugh and see him smile. I never thought I could love another child as much as I love Izzy. Miles proved me wrong. My heart grew bigger when he arrived.
2. I gained like 58lbs with him. Okay not "like" 58lbs, I really DID gain 58lbs. I shutter thinking of that. No one stuffed food in my face but myself. I guess I rationalized it by saying "but he (my unborn child) needs all this food". Really I think I only needed an extra few hundred calories a day. Still have 23lbs to lose until I'm at pre-baby weight status. Then about 30 more pounds to lose to be at a normal weight status. Daunting.... But I started weight watchers in November so I'm hoping that helps. Down 8lbs so far. Oh and I'm doing a fitness challenge with my sisters. We are working out every day in January. At least 30 min. of exercise per day. Let the challenge begin tomorrow! I'm actually excited about it. SHOCKER!!
3. We needed more space to live in so the only natural thing to do was to become landlords, right? Oh joy! (insert sarcasm here) We bought a house in Batavia and had to rent our condo in North Aurora because the housing market is terrible. If we sold it we would have had to pay to get out of it. So not our faults though....really the market is terrible. Our hands were tied and renting was our only option. We closed on October 31st and after doing a lot of work on it we moved in November 10th. The projects and changes never seem to stop though...we are still working on it. It's starting to feel like home.
4. I had mastitis in my left breast for the 2nd time in my life. Google it...it's awful! After that experience I gave up on breast feeding. I did it for 5 weeks (same amount of time with Izzy before I got mastitis in my right breast while breast feeding her and then had to have surgery due to it turning into an absess which turned out to be positive for Mersa....awesome! It's really fun being treated like a leper by your family. It was one of the lowest points in my life. Taking care of a 5 week old baby as a first time mom, with my breast cut open and draining, and battling mersa. I shutter thinking of this...but I smile realizing how strong I am) If I ever have more kids...which is not looking to be likely...I will NOT breast feed. And I'm not going to feel bad about it. Although that womanly part of me deep down inside hates that I couldn't make the breast feeding work. Okay how many times can I say breast on here?? It's what my life became at the time. All about my BREAST BREAST BREAST. These moments will only define me as a survivor. At least I hope....I wouldn't want to be known as the weird breast lady. Okay there I go again..BREAST! I said it 12 times. (including the times I said it on purpose)
5. Scott and I turned 30. Hmm....what can I say? Every year we get older but wiser. Yup lets stick to that.
6. Izzy turned 13. Well maybe only emotionally. Physically she turned 3 on December 2nd. (how cool that both kids have their birthdays on the 2nd of the month) She is sassy, creative, stubborn, imaginative, beautiful, funny, emotional, smart, high energy, silly, thoughtful, and lovely in every way. Can you tell I'm a huge fan of the "I love Izzy Club"?? She's fantastic!
7. We remodeled our master bathroom. Well WE didn't remodel it. We hired my brother and other sub contractors to do the dirty work. We just got to design it. Lets describe the process....fun, expensive, dirty, dusty, beautiful, exhausting, frustrating, beautiful...did I mention it turned out beautiful? We love it. We have yet to use it though...we have to clean it from all the construction dust, put blinds on the windows (can't have the neighbors seeing my breasts...that would make it 13 times said), we need new towels (in case you weren't aware, new bathroom = new towels), move in all our bathroom toiletries, buy a new bath mat, put up the ceiling fan, put up towel bars and toilet paper holder. Sounds like a lot of work to me. So we will get to it when we can.
8. We hosted Christmas Day for my family. Now that we have a house we can properly host. My parents have gladly given up Christmas at their house. So hosting Christmas at our house will become our new family tradition every year. It's actually what I have always wanted even though it makes my anxiety high to host, it also makes me so happy. Having my family in my home, making them smile and laugh, filling their bellies with delicious food, having the cousins run around and play together. I love Christmas and I love my family. WIN WIN!
9. My anxiety has come back with a vengeance. This part of my life I try to hide from people. I try to always pretend that I'm okay. It's a dark secret not many talk about including myself. But it is something that defines how I act, how I live and how I make my decisions. It's hard to keep a secret because I think I am wrongfully judged on things I say or do. But it's because of my anxiety. It paralyzes me. It controls me. It's sad, but it's the truth. I've always said I wouldn't let another person ever dictate how I live my life, I wouldn't let anyone ever control me because that is just wrong. Well here I am...doing it to myself. Interesting how that happens. My whole life I have been struggling to control my anxiety. You name it I've probably been anxious about it. I've probably been up all night, sobbing on the floor, not left the house in days kind of worried/scared/anxious. I've been considering going back to counseling. Sometimes it just helps to talk it out....
Well that was a little weight lifted off the shoulders. I forgot how therapeutic it was to write.
10. Okay I'm not always that dark. On to something happy...I celebrated 5 years of marriage to Scott on December 30th. He has to be one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and had the privilege of having a relationship with. He is very charming because despite his faults I fall further in love with him every day. He accepts me, loves me and continues to show me that even though I'm not perfect he will not leave. Oh how I cherish that. He is kind and generous and helpful. He is respectful and funny and smart. He is the most wonderful father to our kids. He is the perfect role model for them in so many ways. Our commitment to each other is stronger than ever. Our love for each other seems stronger now than ever. I love being around him and sharing this life with him. For reasons I will never write about...he is truly my angel if angels exsist. I am 100% sure I am still living today because of him. I will be forever grateful to my Scottie :)
Okay those were not listed in order of best to worst, or worst to best. It was all random...I swear.
Feels great to write again...oh how I have missed you blog.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Woman Talk
So today I was going to the bathroom and Izzy had to join me, of course. As I'm peeing she says "whats that?" and pointed to my vulva. In an effort to teach her correct body parts and to teach potty training I said "I'm peeing and the pee comes out of mommys vagina". And she says "oh" and I say "you have a vagina do you know where it is?" and she points to it and then says "one (pointing to mine), two (pointing to hers) ginas" Fabulous! Her love of counting has really come in handy. (insert sarcasm here) At least she is learning. Such a funny moment in my day I had to write it down for a keep sake.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Working More?!
It has been a long time since I have written on here. I need to make it more of a priority.
Anyways, I love being a stay at home mom. It has the best of everything....I can stay in my pjs all day if I want, I get to be with my child all day, I am my own boss. It's great! But I feel like I want to contribute financially to my family. Even though us stay at home moms do the job of about a dozen people, sadly we don't get paid! So now I'm on a mission to see if I can work from home part time. Not sure what I will do or how I will do it but I want to try.
Anyways, I love being a stay at home mom. It has the best of everything....I can stay in my pjs all day if I want, I get to be with my child all day, I am my own boss. It's great! But I feel like I want to contribute financially to my family. Even though us stay at home moms do the job of about a dozen people, sadly we don't get paid! So now I'm on a mission to see if I can work from home part time. Not sure what I will do or how I will do it but I want to try.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Smiles Wanted
I have been feeling so off lately. Very tired, forgetful, unmotivated and down. So to lift my spirits I'm going to list some of the many things I'm grateful for. Hopefully reading this will help me smile more.
I'm grateful....
1. To be a alive and healthy.
2. For my daughter who makes me laugh, brings me lots of joy and shows me unconditional love.
3. For my husband who is the kindest most sensitive soul I have ever met in my life.
He's my biggest supporter and loves me despite my faults.
4. For my family who is always there for me.
5. For my friends who care about me and want to be around me.
6. To live in America and to be free to live my life as I please.
7. To be able to see, hear, smell, taste, speak, walk, run.
8. That I have food to eat, water to drink, a home to live in.
9. That I have nieces and nephews to love and spoil.
10. To be me.
I should always have this list near and read it often. I wonder what other people are grateful for?
I'm grateful....
1. To be a alive and healthy.
2. For my daughter who makes me laugh, brings me lots of joy and shows me unconditional love.
3. For my husband who is the kindest most sensitive soul I have ever met in my life.
He's my biggest supporter and loves me despite my faults.
4. For my family who is always there for me.
5. For my friends who care about me and want to be around me.
6. To live in America and to be free to live my life as I please.
7. To be able to see, hear, smell, taste, speak, walk, run.
8. That I have food to eat, water to drink, a home to live in.
9. That I have nieces and nephews to love and spoil.
10. To be me.
I should always have this list near and read it often. I wonder what other people are grateful for?
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