I'm back and I'm blogging!

Okay just signed in after an entire year of being MIA from this blog.  Oops! I now have every intention of keeping up with this blog.  It will temporarily fill my hopes of being a well known and respected writer.  Which I know is highly unlikely....I don't think I use the english language correctly....spell words correctly...but maybe that is what editors are for??


Happy New Years Eve!  Lets party!!!  Ha, or lets just stay in and do projects around the house, get the oil changed on our cars, order pizza for dinner, have a countdown with Izzy at 7pm and end the night by watching a movie.  Much more my style these days.  Let me rephrase...this IS our life style now whether we like it or not :)

So I did have a lot going on in 2011 (see there is my excuse for not writing on here).  So here are some defining and stressful but joyful moments of 2011.  Lets just keep it to the top 10!

1.  I was pregnant and delivered my beautiful son Miles Scotlan Leslie on September 2nd.  Scotlan you say?  Yes my husbands name is Scott (which he wanted to be the middle name) but I'm not a fan (if there was a fan club) of naming children after their parents especially if we were going to have more.  There is a fair factor for me and I just couldn't get over it.  If we had another son he couldn't have Scott as a middle name.  See how unfair that is?  Now that I say it it doesn't seem so unfair but at the time it really was. So I took a form of his name, ditched a "t" and added lan on the end.  Sounded good, was unique enough for me but not too weird for him (my hubby) we both agreed so now it's his middle name.  Oh I should mention how amazing Miles is.  He is so laid back.  Where did he get that from? no clue...the rest of us are very high strung.  He just goes with the flow...no matter how crazy we all are he just chills.  He loves to snuggle and be held.  He is always full of happiness.  I love to hear his laugh and see him smile.  I never thought I could love another child as much as I love Izzy.  Miles proved me wrong.  My heart grew bigger when he arrived.

2.  I gained like 58lbs with him.  Okay not "like" 58lbs, I really DID gain 58lbs. I shutter thinking of that.  No one stuffed food in my face but myself.  I guess I rationalized it by saying "but he (my unborn child) needs all this food".  Really I think I only needed an extra few hundred calories a day.  Still have 23lbs to lose until I'm at pre-baby weight status.  Then about 30 more pounds to lose to be at a normal weight status.  Daunting.... But I started weight watchers in November so I'm hoping that helps.  Down 8lbs so far.  Oh and I'm doing a fitness challenge with my sisters.  We are working out every day in January.  At least 30 min. of exercise per day.  Let the challenge begin tomorrow! I'm actually excited about it.  SHOCKER!!

3. We needed more space to live in so the only natural thing to do was to become landlords, right?  Oh joy!  (insert sarcasm here) We bought a house in Batavia and had to rent our condo in North Aurora because the housing market is terrible.  If we sold it we would have had to pay to get out of it.  So not our faults though....really the market is terrible.  Our hands were tied and renting was our only option.  We closed on October 31st and after doing a lot of work on it we moved in November 10th.  The projects and changes never seem to stop though...we are still working on it.  It's starting to feel like home.

4.  I had mastitis in my left breast for the 2nd time in my life.  Google it...it's awful!  After that experience I gave up on breast feeding.  I did it for 5 weeks (same amount of time with Izzy before I got mastitis in my right breast while breast feeding her and then had to have surgery due to it turning into an absess which turned out to be positive for Mersa....awesome!  It's really fun being treated like a leper by your family.  It was one of the lowest points in my life.  Taking care of a 5 week old baby as a first time mom, with my breast cut open and draining, and battling mersa.  I shutter thinking of this...but I smile realizing how strong I am)  If I ever have more kids...which is not looking to be likely...I will NOT breast feed.  And I'm not going to feel bad about it.  Although that womanly part of me deep down inside hates that I couldn't make the breast feeding work.  Okay how many times can I say breast on here??  It's what my life became at the time.  All about my  BREAST BREAST BREAST.   These moments will only define me as a survivor.  At least I hope....I wouldn't want to be known as the weird breast lady.  Okay there I go again..BREAST!  I said it 12 times.  (including the times I said it on purpose)

5.  Scott and I turned 30.  Hmm....what can I say?  Every year we get older but wiser.  Yup lets stick to that.

6.  Izzy turned 13. Well maybe only emotionally.  Physically she turned 3 on December 2nd.  (how cool that both kids have their birthdays on the 2nd of the month)  She is sassy, creative, stubborn, imaginative, beautiful, funny, emotional, smart, high energy, silly, thoughtful, and lovely in every way.  Can you tell I'm a huge fan of the "I love Izzy Club"??  She's fantastic!

7.  We remodeled our master bathroom.  Well WE didn't remodel it.  We hired my brother and other sub contractors to do the dirty work.  We just got to design it.  Lets describe the process....fun, expensive, dirty, dusty, beautiful, exhausting, frustrating, beautiful...did I mention it turned out beautiful?  We love it.  We have yet to use it though...we have to clean it from all the construction dust, put blinds on the windows (can't have the neighbors seeing my breasts...that would make it 13 times said), we need new towels (in case you weren't aware, new bathroom = new towels), move in all our bathroom toiletries, buy a new bath mat, put up the ceiling fan, put up towel bars and toilet paper holder.  Sounds like a lot of work to me.  So we will get to it when we can.

8.  We hosted Christmas Day for my family.  Now that we have a house we can properly host.  My parents have gladly given up Christmas at their house.  So hosting Christmas at our house will become our new family tradition every year.  It's actually what I have always wanted even though it makes my anxiety high to host, it also makes me so happy.  Having my family in my home, making them smile and laugh, filling their bellies with delicious food, having the cousins run around and play together.  I love Christmas and I love my family.  WIN WIN!

9.  My anxiety has come back with a vengeance.  This part of my life I try to hide from people.  I try to always pretend that I'm okay.  It's a dark secret not many talk about including myself.  But it is something that defines how I act, how I live and how I make my decisions.  It's hard to keep a secret because I think I am wrongfully judged on things I say or do.  But it's because of my anxiety.  It paralyzes me.  It controls me.  It's sad, but it's the truth.  I've always said I wouldn't let another person ever dictate how I live my life, I wouldn't let anyone ever control me because that is just wrong.  Well here I am...doing it to myself.  Interesting how that happens.  My whole life I have been struggling to control my anxiety.  You name it I've probably been anxious about it.  I've probably been up all night, sobbing on the floor, not left the house in days kind of worried/scared/anxious.  I've been considering going back to counseling.  Sometimes it just helps to talk it out....  
              Well that was a little weight lifted off the shoulders.  I forgot how therapeutic it was to write.

10.  Okay I'm not always that dark.  On to something happy...I celebrated 5 years of marriage to Scott on December 30th.  He has to be one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and had the privilege of having a relationship with.  He is very charming because despite his faults I fall further in love with him every day.  He accepts me, loves me and continues to show me that even though I'm not perfect he will not leave.  Oh how I cherish that.  He is kind and generous and helpful.  He is respectful and funny and smart.  He is the most wonderful father to our kids.  He is the perfect role model for them in so many ways.  Our commitment to each other is stronger than ever.  Our love for each other seems stronger now than ever.  I love being around him and sharing this life with him.  For reasons I will never write about...he is truly my angel if angels exsist.  I am 100% sure I am still living today because of him.  I will be forever grateful to my Scottie :)

Okay those were not listed in order of best to worst, or worst to best.  It was all random...I swear.

Feels great to write again...oh how I have missed you blog.